Sunday, September 1, 2013

Run DMC/Hospital Chaos






First, allow me to share a photo with you.  





On Mondays and Thursdays I teach a class of 12 three year olds, and this week one came in wearing a Run DMC t-shirt.  I don’t know if anyone back home will think this is at all funny, but I died laughing.  In China English writing is a trendy fashion just because of the way it looks.  Often people will go to the market and buy clothes and not even read what they say, even my friends who speak great English do this.  I know this kid’s parents and there is absolutely no chance that they know who Run DMC is, and what’s further funny is how did this get onto a child size shirt in China? Random.

Now, allow me to share a story with you.

This week my dear friend, Alan, got super sick and had to go to the hospital.  We sent him to  the hospital that we always go to where they give foreigners, “VIP treatment”.  Once there, they hooked him up to a drip and started giving him fluids.  I don’t exactly know what happened but they told him to hold some kind of pump and then the nurse left the room.  Alan pushed the pump and all of a sudden his blood started going up the tube.  The nurse came back into the room, saw his blood going up the tube, screamed, and then her first reaction was to run over to his hand and ripe the IV out. Instantly all this blood shot out, spraying the floors and walls like a scene from a horror movie.  Within seconds his hand had swelled up to an alarming size.  An older nurse came in and saw the chaos and started laughing.  She instructed the younger one to mop up the mess (which she did with towels and no disinfectant) and then told Alan not to worry, the swelling in his hand would go down in 1-3 days!

For what it’s worth I told this story to like six of my Chinese friends over lunch and they were as horrified with the hospital as I was, though maybe not surprised.  In true Chinese fashion they started brainstorming how they could help poor Alan, “I know the number of a better hospital I can take him there.” “You should’ve called me to go with you!”
Oh, my dear China.


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Weird Things I See on a Regular Basis


I know that I've been remiss in my blogging the past few months.  I take random photos of things that I see all the time but I never have enough of them to put together a whole blog post. So, to make up for time that I've spent away from my blog I will now present a collection of some of the odd and exciting things that I see on a regular basis in China.



 Unrefrigerated meat for sale (this picture taken at Walmart.) Or sometimes it's slightly refrigerated but it's in a giant open bin, unwrapped and exposed to the elements.  A couple of weeks ago I was a Walmart and I noticed a huge line, 15 people deep, forming in the produce section.  I looked to see what they were waiting for and at the front of the line was a woman with crates of eggs covered in chicken poo and straw.  They had obviously just    


I went to a Mexican restaurant in Suzhou and ordered a side of "Mexican Rice", this is what I got...

White rice with a tortilla stuck in the top.  Incidentally, all of the Western restaurants in Suzhou serve pan-ethnic food.  I've ordered burritos at German restaurant, Thai curry at an Italian restaurant, and Schnitzel just about everywhere (because like in every country I've been there are a lot of foreigners that are German.)  It's all the same.
 


American celebrities advertising random products that they'd never do ads for in the states because they would lose all street cred.





Strange, and sometimes incomprehensible English translations.  These are from a restaurant I went to with Tera in Beijing. It's always the most interesting when you see mystery translations on food items.  What are you actually eating? It's like restaurant roulette.
Yummy!


Mangy stray cats EVERYWHERE!  This is a mommy and baby pair I saw in Shanghai, both with some kind of nasty eye disease.  We named them Catty Rax and Catty Rax Jr. 
I feel like cats are as common as pigeons here, and it's so strange to me to see them running wild all the time.  Once I came home and Nicole had accidentally left the front door ajar, resulting in me finding a cat hanging out under our dining room table. I shooed it out, but it came back every day for a month crying to be let in at the front door, like this was it's home.

 Kids riding on a motorbike, unbuckled, (often wearing face masks). This is so common I forget to be surprised anymore.  Sometimes I see them turned around, facing their parent, hanging on with their arms around their mommy's waist.


Super safe right?  Side note: I've seen lots of twins in China and I've never seen them not dressed identically.  This is partially because the Chinese think it's cute, and partially because of an old superstition that twin babies share one life or one soul and you have to dress them the same until they are ten years old or one of them will die.

Chinese men that role their shirts up to keep cool.  I have a friend that calls it "Chinese Air Conditioning"

Once Nicole and I were walking down the street and we passed a group of seven middle aged men, strolling outside together in a big group with their shirts all rolled up like this.  They were unabashedly staring at us (because obviously we're weird foreigners) but had no idea that to us they looked ridiculous in their summer crop tops.

I don't see this as much in Suzhou as I do in Shanghai, but people transporting ridiculously large loads on bicycle carts down busy streets is always entertaining.  Love that this guy is on his cellphone.

 Scorpions and sea horses, among other things, sold for eating in Beijing. Delish!

Above is a friend's photo, not mine, but I love it because I see this all the time! The Chinese are the most extreme public sleepers I've ever seen and there are workers everywhere that lay down on the street to grab a quick nap.

Disturbing signs that exploit familiar cartoon characters.  I took this photo at a bar and I'd like to note something about the prostitution warning.  Prostitution is illegal in China, so is pornography, but it is present everywhere.  Back home, prostitution existed but I wouldn't be able to tell you where to go for it.  Here, more than once I've stumbled into a bar with friends and found out that it's a place for 'sexy ladies', I've stayed in several hotels where phone numbers for prostitutes have been slipped under my door, and everyone of my male foreign friends has been solicited.  
(Not even in bars, on the public bus and while unlocking an ebike!)

      I love that Maggie is gambling and their super shifty eyes.

Signs warning people not to stand on the toilet seat.  I know it's because most bathrooms have squat toilets but I can't imagine someone actually trying to stand up and squat on the toilet seat.

Unless you're a rebel like Tera Babb.

Fireworks! I see these everywhere, at all times of day.  Because they are set off for baby births, and even the smallest of celebrations they are firing off constantly.  This is taken from my balcony on a random Tuesday. They wake me up in the middle of the night, they chase me to the opposite side of the street while I'm walking to work, they have to be drowned out by the television.  I've always loved fireworks, but they've lost a little of their enchantment during my time in China.  Once I was staying in a hotel and the fireworks were so close to the building that I got out of bed and put my passport in my backpack.  I was convinced that I would have to make a fast getaway when the explosions set my roof on fire.


Couples outfits! In China, you're not in love unless your clothes match.


Pictures of American celebrities used in random places. For instance why is Jessica Alba's face the frosted image on the window of my bathroom stall? I can't explain it. 


Whatever this thing is. Can you guess?

This is Pleasant Goat, the most popular cartoon character in China after Mickey Mouse.
(And followed by Doraemon the Japanese Robot Cat)
His face is on everything and I see these scary supermarket kid rides in my sleep.

Taken in a bathroom. The Chinese words actually say, "Carefully slide." It's not even a translation thing.

Sundries?


No spitting into the hand dryer.



Point profess your excellency seat. Oh right, of course!


I never stop being impressed by the Chinese Crouch.  My three year old students, my 20 something friends, even little old ladies on the street all do it regularly and I can't manage to get my feet flat.  The Chinese have rock star leg muscles.

Pedicabs!  I've taken them lots of times with no problem but I did have an awkward once with particularly weak pedaler.  Clearly not used to carrying giant foreigners he labored along at a crawling pace. At a hill he actually got out and walked it up the hill with me and my friend in the back, I felt like I should get out and help him. Sorry, fella! 

Homemade taxis. Attaching a tin can to the back of a motorbike, now we're getting fancy.  I'll never forget when Tera came to visit and I couldn't get a taxi so I ushered her into the back of one of these babies.  After I told him where we wanted to go and negotiated a price she jumped in and was so mad
"There are so many things that can go wrong with this!  What if he takes us some place we don't want to go or we get dropped off in some random place, what if he over charges us or you THINK it'll be 20 kuai and you misunderstood how much it costs, or this thing gets in an accident! We could be crushed!"
I said, "I'm not gonna lie, those are real fears, any those things could happen.  But what choice do we have?  This is China."

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Piercings

One day I was talking to my darling friend, Helen and she was telling me how she's always wanted her ears pierced but she's afraid of the pain.  She's 27 years old and terrified of ear piercing? Unacceptable.  I made a date with her to go and hold her hand while she had it done for the very first time.  We met in the morning and headed down to get the piercing done on Guan Qian Jie, a popular shopping street in Suzhou but on the way there it became clear that she thought that I was having it done too.  I thought, well it's been like 10 years since I had my cartilage pierced, maybe I could have it done again.  And it'd be kind of fun to say that I had it done in China. 
Helen took me to a small beauty shops tucked behind a bunch of street food vendors and shoe repair men.  Inside she negotiated a price and then told me, "It's 10 kuai per ear," (About $3 total) "So do you want?" 
Me: I want to watch you do it first.
I spent a little time helping Helen find her courage to get it done and then reminded her to make sure that the earring is sterling silver.
She said that it is and took her seat on a stool.  I watched as the woman opened a drawer filled with nail polish bottles and a bunch of loose earrings swimming around in the bottom.  She fished one out and approached Helen, put the stud up to her ear and used her hand to ram it through her earlobe. No fancy Claire's piercing gun, no sterilization, just pushed through her flesh! Helen yelped and I think my mouth actually dropped open in shock.  I whipped out my camera to get a shot of ear number two.


 Afterwards, she swabbed around the stud with cleaner, thank god, but I said that I'd be passing on the piercing.  (I mean I've been vaccinated for Hepatitis but let's not push it.)

Helen with her newly pierced ears! 
 I praised her up and down and told her how impressed I was with her bravery.  Then I reminded her that she needed to clean it every day. She said that, "They said there was no need for that." I was horrified and described rubbing alcohol in great detail, making her promise to go to the pharmacy immediately and buy some.  I'm happy to report that Helen has had these piercings for three months and no disease in sight.  Her lobes look lovely!

Asian Beauty









One day I was in the subway with my two Chinese friends, Karen and Willow.  I was standing close to Willow, listening to her tell a story when I noticed that she had a strip of flesh colored plastic on each of her eyelids. 
         Me: What is that on your eye? 
Both Willow and Karen looked at me like I was crazy. 
Karen: You’ve never seen this before?
Me: No, what is it?
Karen: Uh..you know that your eye has two layers, but mine has only one. So this helps make two layers.
Willow had put a product called, double eyelid tape, onto her eyes to create more depth and give them a look that is decidedly more Western…and I pretended it was normal but I was totally weirded out.
What's ever odder is that I've now noticed that Willow wears this tape everyday.  Even when she doesn't where foundation, or any other makeup those plastic strips are the one thing she doesn't leave the house without.

I’ve spent exactly no time thinking about the shape and depth of my eyelids, but since I came to China I’ve heard people talk about my “double eyelids” with much seriousness.  
And to tell you the truth it makes me a little uncomfortable when Chinese people make comments about my big American eyes, or my "curly hair". But it's clear that lots of Chinese people have ideas about Western attractiveness.    
For example, in my Chinese lesson last week I learned that the word for America in Chinese is Meiguo which literally means "beauty country".  


 







Once, in a discussion with Karen about how we both played with Barbie dolls when we were little  I found out that Karen has never seen an Asian doll in China. Ever.  WHAT?!  I over reacted a little bit in horror. How is it possible that in a country of 1.4 billion Asian people all of the dolls have blonde hair and blue eyes?
Me: Karen! You’d better make sure that your daughter has Asian dolls to play with!
She looked at me blankly.  “Why?”
Me: Because, if she is always being given dolls that are foreign and told that they are pretty then she’ll grow up thinking that there is something wrong with the way she looks!
Karen: I don’t think so, she is too young to know the difference.
Me: Not now, but it gets into your head! Why do you think all the makeup in the stores in China has whitening chemicals!
She tilted her head and looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about and in that moment I could feel our culture gap widening into a chasm, so I dropped it.
For all the importance that is placed on appearance in American culture, I think that there is just as much education about developing a healthy self image, celebrating cultural differences, the psychology of raising children with high self-esteem, etc.       





Appearances mean a lot in China.  I have heard stories about parents wanting to switch their children into a different class because the teachers are prettier.  And when I discuss other people with my Chinese friends, invariably there is always a comment about how they look.
Once, Ben and I were having a discussion about a new manager that was training at our center and observing classes to practicing her feedback skills. The poor woman was way in over her head and during the feedback sessions she was giving us really inconsistent comments.  I asked Ben’s Chinese teaching partner what she thought of her and her assessment was, 
“Maybe she does not know about the classes, but you know I think she is pretty.”
And I hear this kind of thing all the time, lots of things that people do are condemned and then qualified with comment about how they look.